dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
