Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
