Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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