Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
