At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
