are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
