youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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