Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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