You can't motorboat a personality
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
