Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
