Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
