they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
