Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I want her autograph on my taint
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
