Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
