i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
