In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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