I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
