So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think my fart just growled at me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
