well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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