Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize