I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
