I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
