she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
