Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
are you so shy because you have an std?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize