i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
