Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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