The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
