Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
