does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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