the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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