you win again, gameday.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize