I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
