$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
