And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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