Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
