I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
