so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
