And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
