Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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