Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
