you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
please come you make the beer taste better
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
