I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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