i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
