fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize