I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
