I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize