youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
