FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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