He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
