Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
