Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize