swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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