I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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