I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
