you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
