There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
