White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
