i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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