well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
